5 Books I’ll Carry With Me Into Next Year
It’s always a treat to look back on a year of reading. I remember books from this year that changed me (Book of Joy), those I totally forgot (sorry Why Not Me? that I only finished two weeks ago). Those that feel like they became a part of me (The Alchemist) and those that I still find myself lost in (Mexican Gothic). Reading is my chance to sharpen my craft (Getting Naked) and also serves as an escape (Little Women). I spend time with physical books and I do chores alongside audiobooks. Reading is a big part of my life and I treat these look-backs as another chance to harness what I absorbed over the past few months and solidify the biggest concepts and stories that resonated with me.
Here are 5 of the best from the 22 stories finished this year:
1. The Book of Joy by Dalai Lama XIV, Desmond Tutu, & Douglas Carlton Abrams
This book is a warm hug. Two leaders showing true friendship from such different points of view and experiences; so loving to each other and lighthearted.
Archbishop Desmond Tutu and His Holiness the Dalai Lama come together for five days to have conversations around one question:
How can one find joy in the face of life’s inevitable suffering?
The book follows the journey of them meeting for a week to discuss this essential question. It’s a blend of narrative and their own responses. Both of these spiritual leaders have faced some of the worst displays of oppression and violence, yet they remain peaceful, with eyes and hearts turned toward their deities, and keep faith in their religion and in humankind.
Parts are quite profound and moving, yet you’ll find great delight in their sense of humor. They poke fun at each other and their religious practices, yet still have the tact and respect for each other to never offend or harm the other. It’s interesting on a philosophical level to gain better understanding of the Christian and Tibetan Buddhism beliefs and traditions as well.
Even though they are incredible leaders and so devoted to their own spiritual beliefs, they still can have conversation that is respectful, fun, and thought-provoking. Neither acts as if he knows it all, or that his way is the only way, and they never leave a conversation upset or aggravated with the other. They are true friends. It’s touching to hear them exchange words of appreciation for each other.
They set a supreme example of how we should treat each other, our closest friends to those we don’t know. Sure, they converse over one of the biggest questions of all time, but for me it came down to their mutual respect. That alone is enough to bring happiness if we all could show such compassion and care for one another. We should all spend time with book to better understand how to do that better.
2. 12 Rules for Life by Jordan B Peterson
A common theme I found with these five books is I could easily have them on a loop to re-read over and over again. They’re packed with so much wisdom, I only could take out so much in one sitting. This book is a supreme example of that. Instead of typical life lessons like, “You can do it!” or “Be the change!” or “When life gives you lemons…”, the author offers 12 rules that are a combination of an ego-check and reminder to take care of yourself and those close to you. I’ll speak on two of the twelve rules.
The first is one I was taught when I was young. My parents didn’t use the same words, but I remember walking around as a kiddo in this posture practicing my confidence. As I’ve grown in my career and taken on leadership positions, I’ve wanted to scream this at my colleagues or direct reports in moments where they need to take space or stand up for themselves, it’s the very first rule:
“Stand up straight with your shoulders back.”
You can interpret this in may ways. I take it in two — one, your body language needs to emit confidence and presence, or no one will take you seriously. And two, if you want something for yourself, you need to act as if and go take it. This simple adjustment in body language is powerful as a reminder of who we need to be, dressed in our full potential.
Or as my father put it, “Walking in defiance!”
The other rule that resonated with me was number five:
“Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them.”
As I read this chapter, I can see it becoming a very controversial viewpoint. The author gives advice for parenting, saying if your child is doing things that make you embarrassed or you notice others becoming embarrassed on your behalf, it’s your duty to discipline your child so he stops and learns how to act in the world.
The author even points out that this is true even in the moments we’ve been taught to show empathy — the single mother on the train on Christmas Eve with screaming children, annoying everyone. He says, regardless of the situation, the children do not have a right to act that way and the mother must gain control of the behavior for the sake of the child. It is her responsibility to make sure they act in manners that encourage others to like them, or, you set them up for failure as parents.
There’s some tough love in this chapter. As I reflected on it as it compares to my own childhood and how I’d want to raise my children, I had to agree with the author. I was quickly reminded of my own experience being four, throwing a tantrum in a store for not being able to have something off the shelf I wanted. I went into full-on tantrum mode, having a melt down on the floor. My parents reaction? My father stepped over me and went on to the next aisle. I never had a tantrum in a store again. (Well, so he says.)
When our children (or anyone of any age for that matter), feels the answer to their problem is to throw a fit or annoy others to get the attention they want, and we react by giving them that attention, we foster more of the same obnoxious behavior in the future. The author points out that by taking responsibility as parents to check that behavior as a parent’s duty to their child, then we raise children who will be liked by others and therefore live a more meaningful and easier life.
3. Designing Your Life by Bill Burnet & Dave Evans
This is a book you should read at the right time. I’ve tried picking it up before only to get glazed over. If you read it at a point when you want to explore what you want for your life or career, you’ll really get a lot out of it. If you’re happy where you are and don’t want change, don’t read it yet!
This book was perfect for me at the start of the year because I needed to figure career trajectory stuff out. I spent too much time spinning my wheels wondering if I should be happy where I was in my career or preparing for a move. But a move to where? Then what? With a million questions and insecurities in my mind, I needed to invest some time in the process of figuring it out.
I needed this book as a booster. It helped me get focused and put parameters around what I really wanted to do with my career. I’ve been scared to define what I really wanted because I was afraid of making a committed choice when I don’t have all the answers. Entrepreneurship? Large corp? Big city? Small town? Stay here? Go there? Sure! Idk!
The concepts in this book, paired with good advice from a career coach and mentors, helped me realize what I need to do to define (well, design) my future and consider for what kind of life I want for myself and my family. Then, it gave practical advice on how to start making it happen.
Designers don’t agonize. They don’t dream about what could have been. They don’t spin their wheels. And they don’t waste their futures by hoping for a better past. Life designers see the adventure in whatever life they are currently building and living into. This is how you choose happiness. — “No More Hamster Wheel”, Chapter 9
There is a ton of useful advice and it’s not all new, but a few concepts really stuck with me. One being the explanations behind how to get to the next job you need on the way to where you want to go. They outline a concept called, “The Job Charming Fairytale” (in Chapter 8), where their character undergoes a series of conversations with people in and just outside his network in order to get a job INSTEAD of submitting applications.
They ask the question: Would you rather put in “38 applications for 0 job offers,” or, have “56 conversations for 7 offers and a great professional network”? This chapter focuses on how to have those conversations and why it’s so important in finding your dream job, because it’s rare that those are just hanging out on a job board.
As tempting as it was for me to start passively submitting my resume to places to “see what happens,” after reading this chapter I stopped and returned to my strategy of working my network and having the conversations. I kept track — 71 touch points from Jan. 1st until Dec. 1st when I received the “dream job” offer. 71 phone calls, emails, message board posts, follow ups, interviews, mentor conversations, sales pitches, cold calls, and “how have you been?”s. In the end, I am headed to a role that feels much more suited for me than any of those I saw on job boards. AND, I have a reconnected network of peers to continue lean on and invest into.
4. Let My People Go Surfing by Yvon Chouinard
We hear so many perspectives on getting to the top: executing your entrepreneurial vision, forming a diabolical team, raking in more profit, perfect culture. We’re pushed to do more-more-more. There’s rarely a note in these books about how to weave in environmentalism — using only what’s needed, sustainability, and environmental consciousness in business decisions. At most, it’s often a phrase used in a marketing chapter gilded as “social responsibility.” Or, a note of advice to tip a couple thousand in a charity bucket which can double as a tax write-off.
Yvon Chouinard, founder of Patagonia, shares in his book, “Let My People Go Surfing,” the power of adopting responsibility as a business leader to the protection and conservation of the environment and treating it as a stakeholder. Not for a profitable reason nor a marketing campaign, but as a core commitment to maintain awareness of what your business’ processes and decisions do to the surrounding ecosystem.
I’ve worked for small businesses, and I’ve noticed there’s often an attitude of exemption to making decisions that are in favor of conservation. There’s an air of “this doesn’t apply to us, we’re a small business.” In that, there’s a view that operating sustainably is a big-corporation problem (aka — not ours).
This book should not be read only by people who “love Patagonia,” but more importantly read by business leaders and decision makers who must understand their own stake in protecting our resources for the future. As consumers, we all can learn how the buying choices we make have greater impacts than what we choose to do with the products we acquire.
5. The Design of Everyday Things by Donald Norman
This book may take you back to the design era of the VCR and voicemail systems with tape recorders, however, the basic lessons of design theory are still as critical today as they were then. (Actually, I think there’s a 2013 updated version of the book if you prefer.) From the most basic examples of where design matters, like in visual cues on a door to determine if it should be pushed or pulled, to complex theories that impact today’s UX design, this book opens your eyes to the minute design decisions a designer imparts in the world and why they matter.
I believe engineers, graphic designers, software developers, website designers, etc. — designers of any kind — should still be required to read this book for the basic, timeless concepts apparent throughout the world around us. You’ll get angry recognizing what doesn’t work well, and you’ll find sheer delight and appreciation for the things you use that work effortlessly thanks to good design.
As a consumer, when you make purchasing decisions to buy well-designed, well-made products, you tend to hang on to them longer and value them more. That is a conservative practice, encouraging good use of resources and imparting positive benefits for the planet. It all starts with the design — and this book can open your eyes to that.
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What book should I open in 2021?
